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As women, we often hear about the importance of having a “best friend” — someone we can trust with our deepest secrets, hopes, and struggles. It's natural to seek support when life gets tough, especially in matters of the heart. However, when it comes to your marriage, you need to be very careful about who you turn to for advice.
It's tempting to think of a close friend — even your best friend — as someone who will always have your back. But what happens when that friend is single or a single mother? Is she really the best person to advise you on how to handle marital issues? And more importantly, does she have your best interests at heart, especially when she’s also navigating her own relationship struggles?
Let’s dive into why you need to be cautious when seeking advice from a friend, particularly one who isn’t in a stable relationship or marriage herself.
Why a Single or Single Mother Might Not Be the Best Source of Marital Advice
A key issue to consider is that people who are not in your exact situation often view relationships through a different lens. A single woman, or even a single mother, may have their own experiences and frustrations that color their perspective. While they may seem sympathetic to your problems, their experiences and outlook on life might be shaped by completely different circumstances. They may not fully understand the intricacies of marriage and may, unintentionally or not, steer you toward decisions that could harm your relationship.
But there’s more to it than that.
The Subtle, Yet Powerful Influence of Jealousy
Here’s the thing that many women don’t like to admit: there is often an undercurrent of jealousy that affects the way women perceive each other’s relationships. As much as we like to think of women as compassionate and supportive, there is a deeply ingrained tendency in some to feel a sense of rivalry or resentment when another woman is in a happy or stable relationship. It’s a harsh truth, but it’s one that many women experience — whether consciously or subconsciously.
Think about it. If a woman is struggling in her own marriage, relationship, or even with being single, she might secretly (or not so secretly) feel envious of other women who have what she doesn’t. If her relationship is falling apart, it can sometimes feel like a silent competition. And if she feels you are in a happy, loving relationship, she might want to see you experience the same struggles she’s facing. If her relationship isn’t working, she might subtly suggest things that could undermine yours — perhaps encouraging you to be more independent, questioning your partner’s intentions, or pushing you toward drastic decisions.
The sad truth is that many women, when they feel insecure or unhappy, don’t always want others to do better than them, especially if they themselves are struggling. This jealousy can make advice from someone in a similar or worse position more harmful than helpful.
The Dangers of Oversharing
Sharing the intimate details of your marriage with a friend who may be struggling with her own relationship issues or singlehood can be risky. No matter how much she loves you or cares for you, the advice she offers may be influenced by her personal struggles, biases, or even bitterness. It's important to remember that oversharing in these situations can come with unintended consequences.
When you confide in someone who doesn’t have the same goals, values, or outlook on marriage as you do, you are opening the door for their personal emotions to cloud the advice they give. They may suggest things like "you deserve better" or "why put up with that?" — all based on the assumption that happiness can only be found outside of your current relationship. While these suggestions may seem like they have your best interest at heart, they might not always be in line with the reality of your marriage or what’s best for you in the long run.
The Truth About Friendship and Envy
It’s tough to admit, but some women—whether they know it or not—might want you to fail in your relationship simply because they haven’t yet found the same happiness. This is a human nature that runs across gender lines, but women, in particular, can sometimes feel a deeper sense of rivalry when it comes to romantic relationships. The truth is: if they don't have something, they may not want you to have it either. It’s a subconscious form of competition.
While most women will never openly admit to this, it’s a fact of life that people who are unhappy in their own relationships or who don’t have what you have might secretly hope you’ll experience the same dissatisfaction. They may unintentionally undermine your relationship by advising you to do things that don’t align with your values or your commitment to your partner.
The Importance of Finding the Right Support System
So, if your best friend isn’t the right person to seek marital advice from, who should you turn to? The answer is simple: yourself and your family.
If you are fortunate enough to have a healthy relationship with your parents, they can often provide guidance and wisdom that stems from years of experience. They know you best, and their advice is less likely to be tainted by personal bias or jealousy.
If you can’t rely on family for advice, you need to turn inward. Trust yourself and your partner to work through any issues you might be facing. Ultimately, the only people who truly understand the nuances of your marriage are you and your spouse. While friends can provide emotional support, they can’t always provide practical or unbiased advice on what’s best for your relationship.
Conclusion
In the end, your marriage is your own journey, and no one else has the right to influence it in ways that don’t align with your values. Women, by nature, can sometimes be competitive or jealous, and while this doesn’t apply to everyone, it’s something to consider when seeking advice from friends who may not be in the same life stage as you. A single friend or single mother might not always offer the most helpful advice, even with the best of intentions.
Be mindful of where you seek support. Rely on your instincts, your partner, and those who truly have your best interest at heart — people who want you to succeed in your marriage and are not influenced by their own insecurities. Your relationship deserves more than just well-meaning advice; it deserves thoughtful, unbiased guidance from those who know and love you unconditionally.